Silk, Sand and Vodka: Of Borders, Mass Murderers and Rectal Canals

Now we are in Uzbekistan and more specific Samarkand. Of all the border crossings that I have suffered the one into this country is the worst ever. I am sure that it would be easier for Hitler to slip through the pearly gates than for a westerner to enter Uzbekistan. There are many horror stories from my fellow cyclist and I will highlight a few of them.

My personal passage took 2 hours. Most of this time was taken up by a female border guard flicking through all the photos on my iPhone. I wouldn't boast that I have the biggest collection of male productive organs but I stand a good chance to take second place. The penis museum in Reykjavik being the first. And not to speak of my collection of selfies taken in the bathroom mirror.

While this process was taken place I was feeling rather uncomfortable. This was caused by the images of me rotting in a Uzbekistan prison, ending up with a rectal canal big enough for a dwarf to do somersaults in.

By some miracle my iPhone was handed back to me without a word. Maybe she thought my collection was a recipe book for German sausages. But I didn't want to ask. Not to speak of the bath room mirror.

A drone was confiscated and someone's supply of codeine tablets. Luckily my Grandpa Headache tablets made it to the other side. To add to the discomfort the officers sat in air conditioned offices and we had to move like cattle through steaming hot corridors and examination rooms.

Once in the country we found ourself in desert like conditions and temperatures straight from hell. There we have travelled four days to get to Samarkand. Finding little relief from the heat. The bearable hours are from 0300 to 0500 in the morning. But we can't cycle then because it's not full moon yet.

Samarkand is an ancient city full of mosques and mausoleums and Asian tourist. Once upon a time it was the most important city on the Silk Route. It is also known for a mass murderer called Temor 1336-1406. In his prime he killed 17 million people which at the time was 5% of the population of the earth. His statue towers heroically over the center of the city. Not an ounce of pigeon shit on his head.

I went to his mausoleum where he is peacefully resting in a black marble grave.

One can perform open heart surgery on his head, it's so clean.